My son is homeless by choice....
A mother's heart always sees their children as they were as babies. Sweet, pure, adorable, dependent, loving, with eyes that search the world. A mother never expects that same child to become a homeless adult by choice.
This blog is intended as my therapy to understand *why* this happened. It is also intened to be an education to mother's who think this situation could not happen to them, and to support other mothers who find this harsh reality in their daily life.
To say I feel guilt for my 36 year old son is an understatement. *If onlys* rage though my thoughts many times a day. Prayers are lifted more often for his safety. I lay awake with plans of change for him that ultimately fail because they are not "his plans" but mine.
For the sake of a generic name I will call my son Tom for this blog.
This is not a new journey for Tom or I. He started running away at age 11...once to a city park, pitched a tent and lunched on canned peaches taken from home before he left. With the help of the city police (small town) we watched from afar hoping he would have a horrible first night....he loved it.
At age 15 he ran away several times, once living in a tree house in a Church Parking Lot... It was the middle of winter and he loved it. Shortly after getting him back home he then ran to a island in the middle of a nearby river. At least it was spring by then.
Counseling (multiple attempts), in house treatment for mental health (hospital, mutiple times), Juvenile Hall(3 years) Jail (multiple times), Drug and Alcohol treatment (multiple times). Nothing gets him off the street and stable for long.
Yet Family and Friends continue love and support him from afar. Sometimes it is years in between contact. Sometimes it is middle of the night phone calls for help. *Sometimes* is too far between.
My Mother's Mission is (no longer) to change but to understand.
Hi. I found you through reading on the forum. I commend you for your true loving nature. Your son is one of the lucky few.
ReplyDeleteEven if you don't do this for the rest of your days, it will have made a difference in someones life. Just to read your blog affects and changes whoever reads it. TY
Thin Ice
Thank you for the encouragement Manuel...
ReplyDeleteHi I started to read and could not stop intill I read the whole page. What I would give me have a mother like you. My mother lives in the same city as me and my children but is not involved because she is an alcoholic, but in her words she would say a drunk, alcoholics go to meetings. Your a great mother, and you are only dealing with this as this is what was dealt to you. We do not pick and choose or family for if we could my mother would not be my mother or anyone else for that matter. I have tried to accept her for who she is but that only hurt me and my children so now we stay away, although I think of her every day. Thankyou for sharing your story, I hope you are doing well as well your son. Any updates? Thanks melodie
ReplyDeleteBless your heart! It is okay to love your mom with out having contact with her. You are protecting your children from what you went though...blessings to you and your family, Melodie!
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